Lost in the Fog

Today has been the first full day of fog I've seen in Edinburgh. Actually I can't remember the last time I experienced an actual foggy day anywhere. Has an interesting effect on the landscape and the thoughts that you have throughout the day. Being this close to Christmas...I don't know... I kind of like it, in a cold and eerie sort of way.

I just got back from the store, and my hands are still thawing out. The temperature is just around freezing, and the fog seems to only make the cold stick. I tried to stack up on things so that I can stay alive without going out to eat or going to the store again while I'm here, so basically food for the rest of the week. I'm waiting for the oven to heat up so I can throw a frozen pizza in there for lunch. When I mention that the food I bought will keep me alive, I didn't exactly mean it'd be a healthy diet the rest of the week, but I'm comfortable with that because it was all cheap. I did indulge in a little high-quality cocoa mix which was probably the most expensive thing I bought...I don't mess around when it comes to cocoa, as my parents know all too well.

I had my economics final today. I went right to the store after finishing it. the test was all multiple choice. Wasn't easy, but it didn't blow me out of the water either, which I'm thankful for. I was actually a little surprised because all of the microeconomics questions were taken from previous exams that had been available to us, so that was obviously the easy part since I'd worked over all the past exams. Macro was a little more challenging, but we'll see how it panned out.

I'm amazed at how quickly the days fly by. I just spoke to one of my flat mates who told me that his sleeping pattern has flopped because of finals and his work so that he can't even remember when he last saw daylight. I mean its dark until 9 am and dark again by four, it's ridiculous. But at this point it seems like everything around me, even the obscenely shorter days, just means its closer to the holidays, and it doesn't bother me all that much. Christmas lights look better in the dark anyway.

I've been stressing out trying to keep my spending down but also trying to buy christmas presents for everyone before I leave. I have to remind myself every so often that it isn't about the gifts. I guess that's a good thing because I've always been terrible when it comes to christmas shopping. I never plan it right and it always takes forever because I can never find just what I want for the people I'm buying gifts for... though most of the time I don't even know what to get, just that I can't seem to find whatever it is. Having the thoughtful touch to buy the perfect gifts for the people I care about isn't my strong suit. I should hate christmas shopping, and most of the time I do, but there's just something about it that I love when I stop to look around me. The lights, the music, doing something with the family, watching other families...it's the part of the trip that isn't spent actually buying stuff that really makes christmas shopping an enjoyable experience.

For me at least, that experience helps me get over the fact that no matter how hard I try, most of the gifts I buy will be completely superficial and maybe never used. I mean think about it, how many christmas presents that you recieved over the years actually stick out in your memory? I used to get a pretty good amount of gifts when I was younger, being a spoiled only child (thanks mom and dad haha) but I hardly remember any of those. Most of it just ends up covered with dust, stuck under the bed or in storage and eventually sold at a garage sale or at goodwill. It ends up going from gift to just... stuff.

But every once in a while, you get lucky. Every once in a while you get that present that you didn't expect and end up loving, or something seemingly inconspicuous that you end up using over and over. Every once in a while you find the perfect gift for somebody and you know you hit the jackpot when you see the look on their faces as they tear away the wrapping. It makes the other stuff worth it, because you had to dig through all that worthless sand to find the buried treasure. And as I've gotten older, the gifts become fewer, you finally come to grips with your beliefs on Santa Claus, but the gifts you do recieve make more of an impact. I've remembered more Christmas gifts I've recieved in the last five years than in the previous 16 years, and I still charish a lot of them today.

I don't really know where I'm going with this, maybe I'm just rambling. It's sort of how my thoughtprocesses have been concerning christmas this year, all tangled up and lost in the fog. Maybe I'm just trying to reiterate the idea that Christmas is...just a little bit...about the presents, but only because of the heart and thought that are put into them. Even the gifts that become "stuff" can have special meaning if they light up your face for just one day.

Alright, I'm done, my pizza's getting cold. Can't wait to be home!